(In response to Dress for the Workplace)
Mankind has given us some terrible inventions over the years. I'm not talking about failed inventions like the electric hammer (keep on trying Homer Simpson), but deadly inventions. I'm talking about things like the atomic bomb, mustard gas, automatic weapons, and Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga, the result of terrible government experimentation.
Every year it seems like mankind comes up with some new device to kill themselves in deadlier and more efficient ways. Unfortunately, while most people recognize the horrors of weapons of mass destruction and genetic mutations that cause people to wear meat in the form of a dress, no one seems to see what, in my mind, is the most terrifying invention ever conceived by mankind. Naturally, I'm talking about the neck tie!
Oh the Humanity!
The necktie, proof that feminists broke into the fashion industry in order to punish their superior male counterparts. What purpose does a tie serve? Does it ever actually look good? Why am I wearing an incomplete piece of fabric around my neck? Sadly, the tie is so common place in our society that it is considered a must in order to look respectable. Little does everyone know just how dangerous these ties actually are. Here, look at these facts I just made up:
- Ties, when worn over time, make you shorter
- Statistics show that men who wear ties to work every day live 20 years less than men who don't (with a standard deviation of +/- 20 years)
- Ties have been linked to causing your brain to melt
- Ties when left unattended kill kittens
Luckily for all of our safety and well being, in the 90's someone decided to create "casual Friday" which released all of our necks from these painted nooses for one day out of the work week. Then what happened next, shocked the world. People realized ties are ugly, don't make people work harder, and may cause your dick to shrink. Thus a revolution began! People started dressing casually to work, because lets face it, dressing up to just sit in a cubicle all day sucks. I'm sure the creepy guy who hangs out by the coffee maker loves it when you wear a suit and tie, but is that really the target audience we are aiming for by wearing ties? Once people stopped wearing ties every day to work, by my calculations, the average productivity in America went up 6709%!! I know, crazy.
My point here is simple; Casual Fridays need to be extended to Casual Everydays. We are almost there people, lets keep it casual!
