(In response to Patterns)
If there is one animal on this planet that I hate, it's horses. Don't ask me why. I had a bad experience when I was younger, ok! Nevertheless, horses are the bane of my existence. There is, however, one species of horses that I have pardoned because they are awesome, and that species of horse is the Zebra!
That lion should of brought his lollerskates
There are two reasons why zebra's are awesome. For starters, they are the ultimate breeding animals. How you ask? Because you breed a zebra with anything and it instantly makes the resulting creature have a kick-ass name! A zebra and a horse? A zorse! A zebra and a donkey? a zeedonk! A zebra and a platypus? A spite against God!
Behold! The Zebrapus!!
The other fantastic aspect of a zebra is it's stripes. Everyone knows zebra stripes. They make the animal instantly recognizable. What makes their stripes awesome though is their purpose. According to some random website I found on Google that I'm going to accept as fact, a zebra's stripes serve as a way to confuse their predators. When a herd of zebras is together, it makes it almost impossible for a predator to distinguish one zebra from another. It disorients them.
Stripes, or patterns if you will, are a powerful thing. If you wear a pattern thats disorienting to someone, it immediately gives you the upper hand! Imagine walking into a business meeting wearing this:
Dress for success my friends
Are the people in the meeting going to be thinking about their talking points? Their own goals? Their negotiation strategy? Of course not, they are going to be thinking about the crazy ass pattern on your shirt! You immediately have the upper hand.
The same tactic can be used in picking up girls. If you walk up to a girl dressed in modern, casual clothing she will immediately stereotype you as just another "Well Dressed" guy who may or may not have money and is looking to score. Not exactly great odds. If, however, you walk up to a girl wearing an outfit that looks like Mr. Pollock made it himself, she won't know what to think. She'll be so disoriented by your outfit that she'll have no chance to size you up! And lets face it, the lower her expectations of you to begin with, the better.
"Do you have this pattern in a dinner jacket?"
Now there will be people out there that will say, "But clashing and crazy patterns are ugly and destroying mankind!!" You know what I have to say to that? OF COURSE THEY ARE UGLY! That's the whole point! You know what else is ugly? Car crashes. Mangled metal, leaking fuel, fire, ambulances...none of that is attractive. Yet what do people do when they see car crashes? They stare at them. They can't look away. And in the end, isn't the point of fashion to draw attention to yourself? No one remembers the guy who showed up to the party wearing nice slacks and a button up shirt, but everyone remembers the guy who showed up in a zebra stripe top and leopard print pants.
Shock and awe my friends! Shock and awe.
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